Tuesday
Girl Scout Camp
Wednesday
Quick Update
We climbed the mountain of paperwork to be an official charitable organization in the United States. Now in 4-6 decades, they'll process it and voila! Tax-exempt.
We've located a property that we feel God has prepared for us. It's a piece of property that only God can provide us because, well, it's 800 acres of prime real estate in a resort town (and we don't currently have like 15 million dollars or whatever it would cost). We do have a big God though. It's a defunct girl scout camp and we have a meeting with the girl scouts next week to try to convince them to let us have it (or at least have access to it). When I type it out, it seems a little ridiculous, but I think it will work out. I'll give you all details after the meeting next week.
We had our first official board meeting this past Monday, and we gained some clarity and excitement about the project. We have an awesome board of directors all with hearts of gold.
Overall, we are excited about where we are, and we are beginning to see things take off. I think this is going to be fun.
Dependency
dependency…
I was on a snow-covered trail that was winding its way through a densely populated forest. I had been on this trail many times before, but I had never been on it with a foot of snow. The snow was crusted enough that I didn’t sink with each step, so my way was fairly easy, but direction became an issue. Fortunately for me, this is a trail that is used in the winter for both cross country skiers and snowshoers, so it is remarkably well marked. Every twenty yards or so there is a blue mark painted on a tree. Rarely through the woods is there a time when I wasn’t in sight of one of these blue marks. I even commented to myself that it would be almost impossible to get lost on this trail even though my foot hadn’t touched the ground for a mile now.
Like I said before, I knew the trail fairly well, so I knew that there were a series of switchbacks coming shortly. And despite that knowledge I blew right past the first one and found myself without a trail and without a blue mark. It wasn’t a big deal, I knew that if I followed the valley roughly southwest, I’d find the lake where I was intending camp that night, but I was faced with a choice. I could either just aim where I thought the lake was or I could turn around and try to find the trail again. I tried the former first, but fortunately I wasn’t all that committed to it. After a hundred yards or so of clearly going the wrong way, I turned around. I followed my footprints until I saw a blue-marked tree. I stopped there and looked around, and sure enough, sharply to the left there was another blue mark. I had missed the switchback.
Now back on the right path and armed with both the knowledge of an upcoming switchback and the recent experience of missing one, I blew past the second switchback. This time, however, I was traveling northeast, so I had no temptation to keep on that path. I merely retraced my footsteps until I found a bit of blue paint on a tree and looked around until I saw my next mark.
Now, armed with the knowledge of further switchbacks and being zero for two in successfully navigating them, I developed the habit of walking to the mark and stopping until I saw the next mark. Only then would I move from where I knew the path to be. On occasion, I would stand in one spot for two or three minutes before I spied the next mark. So on I went through the woods using only the blue marks for direction.
After about a half a mile, I came out of the woods. The path, having received more sunshine here, was clearly visible, yet I stood there staring at it for a moment. I couldn’t see a blue mark. I could clearly see where I was supposed to go, but no blue mark, and then the Lord said to me, “That’s the habit I want you to take with me. Even when the path seems certain and sure, stop and look for my signs. If you find that you are lost, go back to where you last heard clearly from me and look for where to go next. I want you to be dependent on me to get you through this forest. Now go, the lake awaits you.”
Thursday
Not for Our Sake
It's been a while, and a lot has happened since I last updated this blog. Two things are most notable: we had a baby girl named Lyla, and we decided to adopt a 12-year-old girl named Karina. As far as Adylene's Hope is concerned, things been in a holding pattern for a while, but now that Zee is getting close to finishing her dissertation, things are beginning to pick up again.
There is a lot to catch up on, but I want to leave it all for now and share a journal entry of mine from last week that reflects a little on our newest yet oldest addition who is actually coming to stay tomorrow:
A few mornings ago I got up and got Griffin to the bus, when I got back everyone was still asleep. Brayden had ended up in our bed and Zee and Lyla were still asleep there also. I was debating whether I should go back to sleep or not, when I saw them. There was a space between Zee with the baby and Brayden that was exactly my shape and size that I vacated 45 minutes before, so I smiled and got in it. It was a space that only I could fill.
Later, I was praying about Karina (the girl we are going to adopt), and God brought this picture to mind. There's a space that only God can fill for her. Just as it would be inappropriate for anyone else to fill my space in my bed, it would be inappropriate for anyone else (including Zee and me) to try to fill that space in her heart. So this is what we have to offer her: God's love. Not by our own power but His. That's what can heal her.
I was encouraged in that prayer time to press in all the more to God, not only for my sake, but for hers.
We Can Do No Good
Well, we've been silent on our blog for a while, but it isn't because we don't have anything to say. We want to share our experiences with whomever, but circumstances have limited us. We have had a foster child in our care for a few months. As far as behavioral, she was very easy to have. She was from a cult, however, and was/is quite convinced that the leader of her cult is the Messiah. Long story short, she's at home with her parents who are no longer a part of the cult, but she still believes in it.People have asked me what I have learned from this experience, and there are many things, but one stands out above all the others. It is this: there is nothing that I can do to help anyone without Jesus. This lesson was made very clear and painfully at times to me over the past few months. All that Zee and I could do was to do out best to love her. If she comes to the Truth (which I pray for everyday), it will be only because Jesus worked a miracle in her heart. Outside of that there is no possible way. No amount of logic or flowery words or good deeds or anything will make any difference in her life. Without Jesus.
I imagine that all people are like that, maybe not as obviously as she was, but I think that we're all there. It takes some pressure off, to be honest. The first few weeks she was in our house I felt burdened to "show her Christ", and it got a little taxing, but when I realized that there was literally nothing I can do outside of Jesus, the pressure was off. Sure, Jesus might choose to use me for some good, and when he does, I'll try to be obedient, but it's still Him working and not me.
There is quite literally no good that I can do on my own, and I'm pretty satisfied with that thought.
Friday
Numbering Our Days
Psalm 90:10-17
10 The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
11 Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.
This psalm has really been speaking to me lately. It puts a sense of urgency in my life, for each day that I spend chasing my own desires is a day that I'll never get back. Every day that I choose to follow God is a day that I have lived well. Teach me to number my days, Lord, that I might have a heart of wisdom. May we live each day with the favor of the Lord upon us. May the Lord establish the work of our hands.
Monday
We Are Crazy
In the last few mornings, God has granted me time to get out of the house in the mornings to walk. I am always eminently grateful for these moments as I often hear God with the greatest degree of intensity when I walk or run alone. The word He had for me this morning was beautiful. I walked down one of the trails near our home that leads to a small lake. It is still early in the change of seasons for us (in fact, snow is predicted for later this week), so there are still jagged piles of snow scattered over shady patches of earth. God invited me this morning to stop for a moment and look at the water produced by the melting snow. From where I stood, I could see several small ravines carved out by the burgeoning runoff. They came together to combine their powers in some places, and in others, they simply emptied themselves into the winter-yellowed meadows, creating marshes that saturated even parts of the trail on which I stood. God urged me, ”Look! Look at all of the blades of grass that that water touches. How many does it touch?” I looked, and even the tufts of grass that poked up through the water had to number in the tens of thousands. The thought of each individual blade was too much to put a number to. “This is how effective you could be, Zee, if you would only pour out your life before me. This is how many you could touch, how many you could impact, if only you will abide in me,” he whispered.
We are in for such daunting challenges ahead.. In May, I will be, by the grace of God, moving into teaching online and dedicating full time hours to Adylene’s Hope, which will come with a generous pay cut. Over the next few months, we hope to sell our home and move to something more economical so that we can honor God with our money a little bit better. Also over the next few months, we will engage in increasingly intense conversation with the state about a teenage girl we are looking to adopt, and in October, if all develops normally, we will be welcoming a new life of our own into our home. Sometimes I look at our choices, as I am sure others do, and say, “We are crazy.” Sometimes I am afraid. There is so much uncertainty about what will happen. By December of this year, we may have four children, four jobs between us, and, with the way the market is looking, a house we cannot afford. The baby could be very healthy, or he or she could require more of us than we have to give. Adopting a teenager may be a great experience. It may bring much heartache to our family. We might be able to sell our house tomorrow, or it might take four years, as it has for some friends of ours.
